Archive for ‘Political Monday’
7 items.
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You can’t stop the ukes!
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Here are some things I drew in class.
I bought a ukulele and it is the best thing ever. It has already gotten me free drinks, I think maybe ukuleles can solve ALL your problems, even the really big one, the one you don’t tell people about because you barely even believe it’s true and if you think about it you get sad and drunk, oh no! That is how good ukuleles are.
I also drew this thing, I don’t know what it is but it SURE LOOKS LIKE FUN!:
Also I just drew this add-on to the above comic:
More stuff later, then maybe some Captain Cussy Pants posts too. Have a uke-tastic weekend!
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Hey this is a retroactive on this old post, if you are seeing this, you are too new to know what was here before, hey okay, you should keep reading, I love you, you are pretty, do you want some chocolates, &c.
Political Monday: DECISION 2008 – People Got Excited But Then Not Much Happened Or Did It?
July 21st, 2008 | by adminPosted In: Political Monday
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Okay, so the 2008 USA presidential election is pretty close or actually like a long way off. But you’ve already made your mind up about that, haven’t you? Sure you have. Who do I support? Fuck you, that’s who. I don’t really know. Nobody I suppose. The funny thing about the system in the USA is that it’s supposed to be wide and multi-party, but it’s really more of a theoretical setup than a practical one. Kind of like wormholes?
The Washington Post is such a dick about pointing this out, that they want us to only consider the two majour parties. Excuse me, but…racism! Against politics! The worst kind. Anyway this is what I know about these two guys:
Barack Obama is curious to find out if college students vote. My advice: Hey your splash page sucks. More propellers would be good.
John McCaine believes he can scowl his way into America’s heart and build a house there. My advice: OH MY GOSH CAN YOU PLEASE NOT EAT THIS DARLING DELICIOUS HUMAN BABY?
And here’s some more:
Socialist Party Guy Brian Moore wasn’t memorable enough for me to remember. His platform: have hair, plan to continue hair.
Green Party Superpower Cynthia McKinney is featured on several websites, all of which load slowly. My advice to her is to swear during speaches?
Wondering who I’m supporting? Why, whoever promises the highest cannoneering subsidies, you impossible dickhead!
Love,
Captain Cussy Pants
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One thing I find terribly bothersome about the 2008 USA Presidential races and upcoming election is the question of whether or not the American people are ready for a potential president of some sort or another.
Racism!
It was a popular racism last year to suggest people may be poorly equipped to handle the emotional carnage electing a person in possession of functional amounts of ovaries and/or melanin could unleash on the country. This “unreadiness,” as they called it, was supposedly showing an effect on various numbers. Therefore I imagine unreadiness causes a vise like grip on several two- and a few three-digit numbers, many of which are important to pollsters.
However, it wasn’t asked if America was “ready” for a President made of human babies! That’s right! I am announcing my racism against the race of people who eat human babies! I am also racist against electing former prisoners?
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Activists are people who feel strongly about socio-economic issues and use what platfomr is available to them in order to spread awareness and effect change in perception and regulation of these issues. Integral to becoming an activist is to have issues to activate. It’s important to collect many issues. Perhaps the more issues you can have an opinion about, the more powerful an activist you’ll be!
It’s important for an activist to spread knowledge of the fact that he or she has collected issues. From what I can tell, the best issues to collect and spread are those dealing with anything that can make the activist seem more interesting or worldly!
That’s all I know about activists! You can probably read more about them on your favourite networking website’s notification or bulletin system.
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Man, Republicans are fucked up people.
They’re like other people in that they have some terribly offensive secret, but the thing is, they’re all open about it. They’re way too happy to share their Republican status with you. In fact, a certain distant female friend of mine is apparently a Republican. She just joined a FaceBook group called “A Republican In 2008.”
The point is whereas the rest of us have dark secrets like having killed a man or that we like to be peed on during sex acts, other people’s dark secret is Republicanism. But they’re all, “Check it out, I’m a Republican!” Then they’re all, “I have no fucking clue what that means so don’t ask me about it! My parents decided for me! I’ll get really embarassed if you press the issue!” So you can have these totally liberal friends who suddenly reveal this fact by joining a group like mine did. And I mean slutty-hard-drinking-heavy-metal-listening.
It would be like if this guy was going around being proud of fucking children, and was all, “Child Fucking In 2008! Woo!” Seriously: who would go to that guy’s rally? What is his platform even about?
I have this term – “monetary Republicans.” Let me explain.
When I was back in high school, my ma would sometimes have dinner parties. The attendees were all pretty upscale, but from different fields and backgrounds. As a teenager, I didn’t have much to talk to any of them about, but I had absolutely nothing to say to a certain group: the monetary Republicans.
These are men and women who support the Republican platform, but not because they’re fundamentalists, or pro military or any of that relevant shit. They support it because they’re rich and it makes them richer.
Interacting with these people is like having a two way mirror between you, only both sides are the observation side. They kind of treat everybody not exactly like them like the average punter does a polar bear at the zoo.
“Hey – that bear’s fantastic! Fantastic!”
“Isn’t that something? Now let’s all wander over to the penguins…”
It’s like when you see people tap the glass to try to get the chimpanzee’s attention, only the chimpanzee’s all “fuck you, I get that all day,” then the punters laugh because “he’s almost smart like people!” Only they don’t get that they’ve just been made a cosmic joke by a fucking 400 pound primate.
That’s the thing about zoos. You don’t watch the animals. You watch yourself. You watch your fucking self degrade down the evolutionary pedestal humanity likes to sit on and you suddenly have this clarifying moment of horror when it occurs to you that all the zoos have totally fucked your soul over and left it in a ditch. You fool yourself into believing you have a soul, that it’s precious, that it’s gone and dead, that you can never get it back, and that you’re never going to be even slightly okay ever again for the rest of time, all in one time lapsed moment.
How terrifying to not even comprehend the horror of existance.
And that is the thing about Republicans.